I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
