Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
