I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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