The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
