are you still at the devil's house?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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