@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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