every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
