just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
