DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It was like giving head to a cactus.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
