Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
