Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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