so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
