I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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