We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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