no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
