It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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