She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
