so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
