I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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