Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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