he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Drunk is not a location!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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