Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
