But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
