you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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