that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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