my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
