so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
