peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
