Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
