best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
