You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
