i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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