Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
