So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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