Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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