the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
