he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
