I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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