It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
