There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
