And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
