I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
