I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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