Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
