dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
