so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
