Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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