i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
