If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
