What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
