As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
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What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
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We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.