Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra

Fav 25 1277 4056
share tweet
(773): View more from Illinois

If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?

Fav 34 3664 1113
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(425): View more from Washington

It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."

Fav 44 17599 1721
share tweet
(727): View more from Florida

I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"

Fav 19 11226 1725
share tweet
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Read it at the TFLN blog
(207): View more from Maine

At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.

Fav 9 2400 1101
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.

Fav 5 1881 807
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.

Fav 6 1797 876
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(435): View more from Utah

Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.

Fav 6 763 674
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.

Fav 3 75 131
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT