And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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