I'm retarded. Again.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president