So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
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I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
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They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...