wanna go halves on a baby?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
