you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
