dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
