I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
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It's never too late to be topless.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
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Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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