Pants 0. Shit 1.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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