i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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