remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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