we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
