he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
