I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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