i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
