the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
