i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
