Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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