My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
