look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
