Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
