waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
