i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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