Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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