The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
