Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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